Beginner's guide to kink toys

Toronto - Tuesday, October 7th, 2014

Has your sexual curiosity been turned on by a kink-themed novel, movie or image? Is kink a common theme that you draw on to heat up your solo masturbation fantasies? If this is the case, you are not alone. Most sexually active adults have fantasies that involve some form of kink. In fact, kink or BDSM fantasies are a normal variation of socially acceptable “vanilla” sex practices.

Once you’ve made the decision to add some kink to your sex life, done your research on consent and negotiated your desires and boundaries with your partner, you might find yourself wondering: “What’s next?”

Now is a good time to bring some toys into the mix. Here’s a beginner’s guide to quality leather BDSM toys and accessories:

Padded Leather Blindfolds: They are an excellent way to encourage relaxation at the beginning of a scene. Sensory deprivation heightens other senses for the Bottom and reduces Top’s performance anxiety.

Restraints: Leather wrist cuffs, like ASLAN Jag Cuffs or Cumfy Cuffs, are sexy and easy to use. With a simple bondage technique, like arms behind the back, you can have a lot of fun and get a taste of the power exchange that happens when the Bottom has restricted movement. A second set for the ankles can really amp up a sexy bondage scene.

Strap-on Harness: This is a great way to bring a new dimension to your sex play. For women, strapping on a dildo can be a very empowering experience because it encourages a dominant persona and demands communication between partners. For men, using a harness like the ASLAN Driver or Men’s Harness and Dildo can extend penetrative sex, can be used as a safe sex alternative, and can be used to compliment their personal equipment.

Collar: It’s an excellent accessory for Dom/Sub games that can be used as a signifier to start or end a scene and to enhance erotic bondage. Many Bottoms like being collard and enjoy using it as a vehicle to enter “sub space.”

Soft Flogger: The ASLAN Pocket Flogger is a great starter flogger for novice Tops. The soft tails caress the skin and, with some skill, they can bite a little as well. With practice, one can learn how to use a short flogger and then move on to a larger one. The key here is getting something that is soft to the touch with a bit of weight, like a light cow or suede.

Riding Crop or Bat: This toy is great for control and is perfect for novice Tops. It delivers a direct sting, and can be used both to caress and to punish. Try to get a bat-shaped slapper tip that is about 1 inch at its widest with the two pieces of leather joined at the base.

Slapper Paddle: The ASLAN Slapper is a double-layered paddle with an open end that creates a delicious sound when it hits its mark. When used during a spanking scene, the sound enhances the sensation and gives an incredible sense of power to the Top.

Other Sensation Toys: Candles, clothespins, spatulas, etc. – there are endless possibilities to be found throughout your home. Just remember to try it out on yourself first before you use it on your play partner!


About the author:
Mr. Carey Gray, ASLAN Leather owner, award-winning pornographer and Queer FTM lifestyle player, is a passionate advocate of BDSM as a self-empowering form of sexual, psychological and physical play. Mr. Gray is also the owner of StudioTenToronto, a 1,300 sq. ft. playspace created for people who are into exploring kink. BDSM educator, coach, lifestyle Daddy and Master, he enjoys the discoveries that come from pushing the psychological and physical boundaries of top and bottom space through role play, the intimate power of spanking and the beautiful submission and control of bondage. He believes that play is an ongoing growth process and is always ready to share his skills and experience with others. With warm guidance and humor, Mr. Gray encourages participants to explore their desires. Mr. Gray has presented at Dark Odyssey Winterfire and Summer Camp, The Floating World, Unholy Harvest Queer Play Con, and continues to present a number of classes through Good For Her and independently at

Check out Carey Gray's seminars on the Kink Stage and find ALSAN Leather products in booth 341 at the Toronto Everything To Do With Sex Show on Oct. 24-26.

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